{"id":4106,"date":"2018-12-14T10:16:33","date_gmt":"2018-12-14T02:16:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp.easytest.my\/julia\/?p=4106"},"modified":"2021-02-08T12:24:14","modified_gmt":"2021-02-08T04:24:14","slug":"understanding-misbehaviour-children","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wp.easytest.my\/julia\/understanding-misbehaviour-children\/","title":{"rendered":"Understanding Misbehaviour in Children"},"content":{"rendered":"

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\u201cMy child doesn\u2019t want to go to school.\u201d<\/em><\/strong>
\n\u201cHe\u2019s so playful, never wants to work.\u201d<\/em>
\n\u201cShe\u2019s very lazy and won\u2019t want to do her homework.\u201d<\/em>
\n\u201cMy son doesn\u2019t want to sit still. He only wants to run and play.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

These parental woes often end with the common lament: \u201cHe\u2019s very naughty!\u201d<\/p>\n

Yes, it may seem that way, a mischievous child who doesn\u2019t want to learn or work. My response to statements like these is always, why is he like this? Why does he appear to be naughty? Why does he need to misbehave?<\/p>\n

Experience has taught that misbehaviour is caused by one of three things. Either, the child is unable to cope in a situation, or he thinks that he\u2019s unable to perform to expectations, or his misbehaviour is a learned behaviour. So as parents, let us understand misbehaviour in our children and how we can best support them.<\/p>\n

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1. Children need time and understanding to cope with changes<\/strong>
\nChildren learn by copying those around them. They acquire their language and behaviour patterns from those they love because they want to be just like them. From the time they are born children are soaking up the sounds and rhythms of language, watching body language and assimilating whole codes of conducts and communication. A two year-old knows well how to behave and what is expected of him.<\/p>\n

At home he\u2019ll have his own belongings; toys, clothes, bed, personal space and respect from the family in which he\u2019s an important member.<\/p>\n

The problems start, for some, when they go out into the world and are expected to conform to the behaviour expected in a class or societal group; to share toys, take turns, be kind and sensitive to others. Unless these values have been part of this routine at home he\u2019ll hit his first brick wall at around age two to three years old, and it can be painful experience. Mum and dad may say, \u201cHe doesn\u2019t want to go to school. He cries all the way there. He\u2019s very naughty.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Not so!<\/em> He just needs understanding while he\u2019s learning that at school things are different. Mum and Dad will come back later to take him home, but while he\u2019s there, if he shares the toys and the teacher\u2019s attention, he\u2019ll have a lot of fun and enjoy learning by playing, singing, dancing, listening to stories and making things. Of course Mum and Dad can help the socialisation process by preparing him to go to school, so it\u2019s easy for him to conform. He\u2019ll need to play with other children at home, or at their homes, before he goes to school, so he isn\u2019t daunted by sharing with others. He\u2019ll need to learn how to dress himself and tidy up, important skills of independence. The family can nurture his communication skills by helping him take turns in conversation rather than focusing all attention on him.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s important to support him in this challenging first transition to school or to child care by preparing him and helping him through the tough times. If he appears to be misbehaving, ask yourself why, and be patient with his efforts. Remember that he wants to be just like the others, but it isn\u2019t easy at first. He\u2019s trying his best and will get there in time.<\/p>\n

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2. Children learn in different ways<\/strong>
\nSome of us run faster than others. Some swim better, are more musical, less shy. We\u2019re born with a genetic pre-disposition to learning certain skills easily. Equally, some of us find it hard to sit still to learn in a busy classroom full of noise and distractions. The child who fits this category isn\u2019t being naughty when he runs around or appears not to focus during story time. This child needs understanding while he struggles to focus, to master physical energy and to control his attention.<\/p>\n

Parents must become their children\u2019s advocates, understand their needs and interpret them for the teacher. If a teacher tells you that your child is naughty, be prepared to stand up for him. Ask why is he being naughty? What does he need? How can we help him? Resist all urges to punish him for something he can\u2019t help.<\/p>\n

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3. Misbehaviour is a cry for help<\/strong>
\nStevie Smith\u2019s poem \u201cNot waving, but drowning\u201d describes a person who plays and clowns about all the time as, not waving in fun, but drowning in a mighty ocean, unable to cope.<\/p>\n

Sometimes I meet children in our classes who are like this. They misbehave because they think they can\u2019t meet expectations. A child like this will do anything to avoid attention being focused on his work, because he expects to fail. So he\u2019ll clown around and distract attention from the task at hand. He\u2019s not waving, but drowning. Why? Something\u2019s bothering him.<\/p>\n

The child with learning difficulties is a classic example of this. He\u2019s so used to being the butt of other children\u2019s jokes because he can\u2019t perform well in class, that he\u2019ll be the first to laugh at others or the constant clown in class.<\/p>\n

This child needs patient understanding and loving support while he finds the right learning style to enable him to achieve his potential. Meanwhile he\u2019s frustrated so he misbehaves. It\u2019s challenging and most rewarding to watch these children blossom when we find a style that suits them, because many children need their own individual learning path to confidence and success.<\/p>\n

…or a Learned Behaviour<\/strong>
\nSome children are labelled \u201cnaughty\u201d because they hit others, or behave in a rough aggressive manner with their classmates. Often these children are only copying behaviour they\u2019ve learned from others. The child who is hit, or beaten, will hit others when he plays. The child who hears rude or insensitive language directed towards others mimics it in his daily life, because he has learned it from those he loves and thinks this is the right way to behave. We must question ourselves first to check that we\u2019re modelling the behaviour we\u2019d like to see in our children.<\/p>\n

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Seeking Help<\/strong>
\nOnce you have come to see the \u201cnaughty\u201d child as someone needing support and understanding, you\u2019re on the path to supporting his needs. Seek help by speaking to your child\u2019s teacher who will see him in a wider social context and who must work with you to decide on a consistent approach at home and at school.<\/p>\n

(Adapted from “There is no such thing as a naughty child” by Julia Gabriel.)<\/em><\/p>\n

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\u201cMy child doesn\u2019t want to go to school.\u201d \u201cHe\u2019s so playful, never wants to work.\u201d \u201cShe\u2019s very lazy and won\u2019t [\u2026]<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":4118,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[30],"tags":[32,31],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp.easytest.my\/julia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4106"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp.easytest.my\/julia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp.easytest.my\/julia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp.easytest.my\/julia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp.easytest.my\/julia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4106"}],"version-history":[{"count":58,"href":"https:\/\/wp.easytest.my\/julia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4106\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4202,"href":"https:\/\/wp.easytest.my\/julia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4106\/revisions\/4202"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp.easytest.my\/julia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4118"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp.easytest.my\/julia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4106"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp.easytest.my\/julia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4106"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp.easytest.my\/julia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4106"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}